Week 2 Recap

[IRon]

[b]Game 1: GJ 20, Bonobos 11[/b]

What is a bonobo, you ask? Well, maybe you didn’t ask, but Betsy did. The answer, straight from one of the Bonobos, was “sex monkey. Look it up. But not at work!”

For your reading pleasure, and job security, I’ve done the research for you. Here’s an except from WIKPEDIA, THE FREE ENCYCLOPEDIA (the all caps signify sarcastic excitement. The excitement comes from Wikipedia, the sarcasm from yours truly, which I feel is necessary to balance out Wikipedia’s excitement—[i]information, on the internet? Free? Who could possibly imagine?[/i]).

“Sexual intercourse plays a major role in Bonobo society, being used as a greeting, a means of conflict resolution and post-conflict reconciliation, and as favors traded by the females in exchange for food. Bonobos are the only non-human apes to have been observed engaging in [i]all[/i] of the following sexual activities: tongue kissing, face-to-face vaginal intercourse, oral sex, genital rubbing between females, and "frottage" between males. This happens within the immediate family as well as outside of it. Bonobos do not form permanent relationships with partners.”

No, I did not look up “frottage”, so don’t even ask. If you really want to know, it’s your free time, don’t waste mine. But who was the sick bastard who watched the apes do all this stuff?

On to the softball. Luckily none of the Bonobos tried to greet us with frottage.

Our defense sucked this game. Fortunately, theirs sucked even worse. Except against Randy. When he was at bat, they caught pretty much everything, stuff they would drop for everyone else, allowing him the dubious honor of making 67% of our outs in the first inning (which we scored 9 runs, btw).

At least we managed to score more than nine runs the rest of the way, totaling 11 in the last four innings. Though the apes weren’t so hot on D, we prefer to call that good hitting.

DJ started off the game right by shutting down the monkeys’ 3B on a play at the plate, though he got spiked in return. Something crazy was going on a Gilruth behind the plate because just a few innings later the catcher tagged Helms in the leg hard enough to send him flying. What the intercourse-loving primate didn’t realize was that he was already safe. Meanwhile monkeys kept blocking the plate all night, possibly in search of one of those post-reconciliation favors listed above. Well, they didn’t get any, as we racked up 26 hits, 7 doubles, and 5 triples.

Some nice games by Gil, Q, George, and Ron, going perfect for the night; Clem and Dries, each going 2-for-3 with some extra base hits and 2 RBI a piece, and especially Chip with a 3-for-4 game, 3 RBI and a triple. But the MVJ has to go to [b]Jason Abbey[/b] in his return to the GJs, with a 3-for-4 night with 2 3Bs and 3 RBI. Congrats!


[b]Game 2: GJ 18, Otters 0[/b]

I’m pretty sure I know what an Otter is, and it doesn’t do anything kinky, just swims around and eats fish. Well, these guys may have lost in the sea because they sure didn’t look like they came to play any softball. After Nick ran over the 1B (see below) they weren’t able to hold it together. They couldn’t even count to 3, trying to end the 3rd inning after only two outs. We tacked on 5 more runs after the premature inning end, though those runs didn’t even matter.

In our 13 run 3rd inning, DJ got a chance to pull off his patented homerun bird, flipping the recap writer who may have been the first base coach to get flipped off by Pancreas while waving him home. McCann made it back to back by hitting what looked like it was going to be a single but he just kept running and the Otters just kept doing their best not to worry about Chip rounding the bags. First back-to-back in GJ history? Sounds like a question for the database!

In the 4th and final inning, the defense was solid; with a great play by Clem and little flash from Q in right field, bare-handing the grounder.

There was no need for the GJs to bat in the 4th, after scoring 5-0-13 in the first 3 frames, the victory was sealed. Solid hitting performances from McCann, Wellner, Kroeger, Sostaric, and Dries in this game, but the clear standout was [b]Andrew “wammy” Clem[/b] (sppel cheker be dammed!) with his 3-for-3, 2B, 3B, and 4 RBI performance, as well as solid defense.


[b]PLAYS OF THE WEEK[/b]

<Cue the music>
[list]
1. Q is on 1st, George rips a solid line drive to LC. Q takes off for 2nd, not realizing that the LC fielder was cheating up. Q gets back as quick as possible…will he make it time? And nearly overruns the bag, staying safe by flopping over both of the 1st base bags.

2. Nick watches DJ and Chip both score on HRs, and the catcher, who apparently doesn’t like giving up homeruns, decides to block the plate on both of them. Not sure if words were exchanged between Nick and said catcher, but what I clearly heard while coaching 3rd base was, “You’re a dick. Well, your mom said she likes it. Well, Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out! Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals." Which made Nick kinda mad, so he hit the ball, then ran over the 1B and managed to blame it on him, getting an extra base out of the deal. Hey Moose, study up on your momma jokes!

3. Sostaric hits a solid liner to right, between the RC and RF, one of which manages to cut it off. Q, who was on 2nd, gets to 3rd and hesitates. Meanwhile George, who was on 1st and is now at 2nd, and Ron wait to see if he’ll make his move. Q takes his time getting home, somehow doesn’t get thrown out, though it sure looked like he would, and George and Ron manage to get to 3rd and 2nd.
[/list:u]

Good work Jetsons! We’re almost up to .500 all time. Only 4 more wins in a row, and we've got it!

[Fence]

Great recap Ron! Good laughs before going to bed.

Of course, I had to look up frottage and I expect others will too so I'll go ahead and copy what I found.

First the dictionary definition from http://www.m-w.com:

"The technique of creating a design by rubbing (as with a pencil) over an object placed underneath the paper; also : a composition so made"

That's no fun so let's go back to Wikimedia:

"In the context of human sexual behavior, frottage or frotteurism is the act of achieving sexual gratification by rubbing one's (clothed or naked) body against another person. Frotteurism carries a connotation of "anonymous and discreet rubbing" in a public place—e.g. on a crowded train. The contact may be mutual or a one-way perpetration. A person who practices frotteurism is known as a frotteur. As with most other sexual practices, frottage with a non-consenting person is regarded as a form of sexual assault in most jurisdictions. A person with a devotion to frottage in a way that places him or her outside the typical frotteur is known as a frotteur geek."

There's more there, but you get the gist. I never knew there was a technical term for the "dry hump." Incidentally, Nomar, Green Light, and I witnessed a frotteur on a crowded train while we were in Chicago this weekend. The victim apparently was not a frotteur geek as she made the sign of the cross over herself while this activity continued. It's a good thing Saint George was there to support her!

[Fence]

Also, the first play of the week reminded me of a rules clarification that everyone should know about. When you are running to first the orange base is available to avoid collisions. (We'll not get into the fact that there seems to be no rules in place to avoid collisions at second while turning a DP or plays at home. Or the fact that the one collision tonight did occur at first.) Back to the rules clarification. Once you cross the bag only the white base is available as a safe haven. So if Quincy had been only touching the orange base after his slide he could have been tagged out. Our first basemen should also keep this in mind when players return back from rounding first and we might get a cheap out that way. The way we played D in the first inning tonight we should probably take the outs any way we can get them.

[Dirty Moose]

Holy Crap!

I spit beer out my nose again! Twice in one night that sucks.

Top notch write up Ron, outstanding. And all the words spelled right and all, how about that. (I think anyway)

Ok, how on Earth did Betsy know what a Bonobo was? Wait, don't answer that, I don't want to know.

Way more then I needed to know about monkey sex.

Didn't really need to know about frottage, but I had to know, kind of like a train wreck I guess. If anyone ever frottages me on a train in Chigaco I'm going to f*&# them up.

And you missed one Ron, I said to the dude, "Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water"
I think we looked at the same site, http://www.ahajokes.com/ym01.html

Despite the fracas, great night everyone, lets keep it going!!!

[IRon]

[quote="Dirty Moose"]

Ok, how on Earth did Betsy know what a Bonobo was? Wait, don't answer that, I don't want to know.

[/quote]


She didn't. She asked one of the guys on the team as they were walking to their dugout.

[Hoochie]

Unfortunately, the recap writer did not stay around for [b][size=150]THE GREATEST BEER BOTTLE TOSS OF ALL-TIME[/size][/b]. It's good!

I don't think I would do the story justice without visual props, but it did make Betsy stay for Nick to have another beer. We would have stayed for a second beer because Chip had a girl story that Betsy wanted to hear, but we were kicked out [b]EARLY[/b]. Can you believe that shit?

[St. G de Nomar]

Good write-up, Ron.
I'm glad I was able to read all that monkey business apart from my work email.

See you guys next Tuesday!

[la Chica]

The greatest beer toss of [i][u]ALL[/u][/i] time??? It was impressive, but I think he can do better. Maybe tossing it blindfolded, under the leg, and banking it off a couple of trees to make it dead center would qualify. And it didn't make me stay for another beer. Actually, I'm still not sure how I ended up being there to watch y'all chug more beer. Hmmm. I blinked and you all had new beers.

[size=75]Chip - Eventhough you gave Nick the green light to tell me what he knew of the girl story, you're not off the hook! It's a dangerous game to dangle a girl story in front of me and then not deliver during that beer. I live for that stuff! You still owe me the whole tale (and not in extra innings next week. How did I end up staying there last night again??). Can't wait to hear it next week! [/size]

[Fence]

It seems like the best recap material generally happens after most people have gone home. I guess that's incentive for more people to stick around and hang out after the games!

la Chica - I think you are missing the meaning of "all time." This refers to a comparison with events that have actually happend in the past. Since it was usually much easier to convince Edgar to stay, throws with such distance, height, and obstacles, were generally not required for the traditional stay or go home beer bottle toss. In the future blind folded banks may be attempted for entertainment value, but will NOT be required to earn an extra beer. Oh, and as far as the girl story goes, my memory is not so good so I can't promise anything for next week. It might come back to me after that last beer though so I'd suggest sticking around after the game to find out!

[ICE]

Forget frottage! What the hell is "face to face vaginal intercourse"??? Either it's impossible, or there are a lot of taco cheek monkeys out there.

[Fence]

Um Moose... Maybe you should take this one.

[Dirty Moose]

Lawyers taking everything way too literally. I'm not going to continue this line of conversation because it is going down hill way too fast, and I already feel dirty.

[Hoochie]

[quote="ICE"]Forget frottage! What the hell is "face to face vaginal intercourse"??? Either it's impossible, or there are a lot of taco cheek monkeys out there.[/quote]

Sooooooo many responses, so little time.

[ICE]

***Retraction***

The technical skill required for reading leagalese rendered me unable to comprehend what could easily have been described as the "missionary" position.

I get it now.

[Hoochie]

Retraction?? This isn't the freakin' courtroom!! Once the statement is out there, it's out there for comments.

I figured it just meant the Mooses like it doggy-style!!

[ICE]

Alrighty then... let's comment!

BTW, he does.

[Fence]

Well, you ended the onslaught of comments, that's for sure.

Not sure if the end result was any better for the Wellners though?

[Sarge]

I'll never look at the Wellners the same again! Oh, I just remembered, I sat in the back seat with them on Sat. night on the way to a movie in Betsy's new computerized car. I need a shower now!

[Dirty Moose]

I hope you all are happy, I tried to stop it but you guys wouldn't let it go.